Infinite pain

In Only Lovers Left Alive, there is a scene where Eva needs to leave. She started to pack books into her tiny suitcase, and before everything, she picked Infinite Jest. I never read it, and I knew I have to read it.

Years later M gave me the first chapter of Infinite Jest. He decided to translate it, and this was his first attempt. I was honored and happy that he chose me to read it.

But I couldn't finish it. It was too hard to read. The translation was good, but the story itself was hard to follow.

So I never gave him my opinion; I felt bad.

It was the end of summer and there was a meteor shower. I was the only one with a car, so I picked up M, and we drove to an ancient place outside the city to stay the night. It was the middle of Covid, and everyone wore a mask.

I played Maggot Brain in the car and we sat in silence. It was amazing to sit and listen without worrying if the other one was enjoying it. I know he enjoyed it.

This year I saw the book published. That is five years of his life, priced at €7, 1500 pages. I bought it.

I didn't have the courage to start it again. I started it anyway and already passed the pages he gave me before.

I don't know if he is killed or alive. I will finish it and tell him I read it. I owe him this.